Also, then the strong influence of the state, the government, the media, the entertainment industry, the fashion industry, the huge manipulative advertising industry, the big corporations etc. And, we are made to believe these are our thoughts (by choice)!

Maybe because it is convenient! It’s convenient to raise a child who follows all rules like every other child and person and behave the same way as the others around them. That way, they are predictable. One probably prefers to manage the child than have somebody different, who functions differently from others. It is easier for the brands to sell their products when the entire mass is made to believe that it is them on their own who feel the need for such a product. They are made to feel inadequate and an image of completion/satisfaction is attached to using the product. It is definitely easier to have students facing the board quietly and just take in what a person in a ‘higher authority’ who is considered more knowledgeable is saying.

Therefore, the belief that the mind is me or what I think or believe is me, may or may not be true.

At this point, I felt like no college, institution or an organisation matters that much. It’s you that matters and what you do with yourself. A hundred kids go to the same school but yet turn out to be so different from each other in terms of their thought, action, interests etc. Therefore I feel what really matters at the end of the day is you and how you do things. Institutions can give a space, maybe a similar set of people making the environment more conducive but what happens at the end is all you and what you want.

Therefore, it is important to be in the process of knowing what you want, what you believe in and what you feel for. I feel it is valuable to work on these ‘feelings’ with an understanding that there are also things beyond the mind.

In college, I had taken up economics, sociology and political science. I basically wanted to study economics and sociology as they would have helped me with what I wanted to do later and political science just came along with it. I felt there was a lot of power play, rigidity and a lack of openness to create a space where actual learning could happen. I don’t know how one can learn and go beyond in any place that is not open to ways other than what has just been followed and keeping classes based on the knowledge mostly limited to the textbooks. Probably for me and my way of learning, that didn’t seem right.

During this time my father had accompanied a cousin of mine to an orientation in an alternative space for learning. This space did not believe in the concept of knowledge being trapped only in degrees and went beyond the four walls of the classroom. It in fact believes, the world itself is a classroom where one constantly learns and grows. They spoke about moving a little beyond set structures, questioning conventional methods and checking their validity and a general broadening of one’s perspective rather than compartmentalising them. They feel that each one has the capacity to know what is it that they want/need to learn and create opportunities for that to happen. Basically take control of your learning and growth rather than handing over the reins for three years and going where the blind horse takes, believing that’s the only path.

My father liked the orientation and once he was back he told me nothing about it but simply said that it was a good three-day program. He said maybe I should just go and look at what it is. I got irritated because it had taken a lot of time and energy in finally starting to settle in college and now I had to go and look at something else. I managed to go because I had just enough attendance to be able to bunk four more days and I thought it was worth giving it a shot. I’m glad I did because once I was there, I liked it. I still did not want to make a decision because college and getting a degree were still running on my mind. After the third day, I was selected for the 2nd round of the orientation which was to happen after a days break. When I decided to stay for it, I realised my low attendance wouldn’t allow me to sit for the end semester exams. Suddenly the importance that the college and degree held a couple of days back did not seem true anymore. I could clearly see it in me. I realised that I liked an open space out in nature with flexibility in all aspects. I felt that it was a better ground for my growth than a room on the 4th floor of a building with 115 students.

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